


Liar

by anewkindofthrill



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Incest, M/M, Sibling Incest, a tiny little book spoiler at the end, spoiler alert for the whole show
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-28
Updated: 2014-06-28
Packaged: 2018-02-06 14:58:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1862118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anewkindofthrill/pseuds/anewkindofthrill
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Now she lies with him, her head framed by red, beautiful hair. Her hair holds the same colour in the ice Robb's would in the sun.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Liar

**Author's Note:**

> Robb and Jon are... pretty young when they're together. Yeah.

The thing Jon has been missing most in the Night's Watch is human contact. With touches, caresses.

There are pats on the back, smiles, even hugs, but so seldom, and way too... formal, brotherly. Jon wants, John needs somebody to kiss on the head, to snuggle into the neck, he needs to bury his nails into the skin of someone loved.

He thinks of the Night's Watch as home now, yes, more than he even has of Winterfell to be honest, Catelyn Stark has seen to that. As she has seen to the fact that Jon had been starved for touch all of his life. Ned Stark was a good man and Jon knows he had always loved him as much as he loved his other children, but Ned Stark was also a hard warrior of the old ways. There had never been more that a pat on the back, for none of his boys, only sometimes a hug for his girls.

Catelyn Stark did the touching, the kissing, the stroking. For everyone but for Jon Snow, of course; the walking and breathing proof of her husband's infedility. In her mind she saw him as the culprit, because she couldn't hate Ned; she punished a motherless boy for her husband's misdoings.

Jon Snow has learned to be bitter very soon because of that. He would never stop resenting Lady Catelyn Stark, even she's now lying rotting in her grave.

As Robb does. The reasonthat, while he sometimes starved, Jon Snow never died. (Jon blinks away tears while he thinks about this, head buried in Ygritte's bosom.)

There was Arya, of course, the light of his life, all smiles and hugs and kisses for Jon, but sometimes Jon thought this was only because the wild child who has been called "Arya Horseface" saw the outsider in him and related to that, and not to Jon as a person. But at those moments back then, he took everything he got, so he accepted. His heart still bursts of love for that child, and he prays to the old Gods that she might live somewhere every night.

So, while he has friends in the Watch, brothers even, he still feels hollow, so he buries his face into Ghost's fur everytime he can, only to get some warmth, he lets him lick his face to feel some love.

That's what makes it so hard for him to resist when Ygritte snuggles up to him for warmth when he wasn't able to kill her. Now she lies with him, her head framed by red, beautiful hair. Her hair holds the same colour in the ice Robb's would in the sun.

_____________________________

Jon Snow doesn't love Ygritte because her hair reminds him of Robb. Or because her willfulness is like Arya's. He loves her mostly out of sheer need to love someone, which doesn't sound like a noble motive, but it _is_ a basic human need, and more often than not, when Jon watches her sitting alone, isolated from the other Free People, he thinks it could be Ygritte's reason, too.

That doesn't stop him from being ashamed to the bones. Breaking his vows to the Watch only to break his vows to the woman he loves is against all honours he had learnt from his father.

But this is nothing new for him, he thinks, as he looks at red hair in the snow and sees auburn burning in the sun.

_____________________________

Ghost was nothing but a pup, but Jon Snow loved him with all of his big heart that was so full of feelings he wasn't able to name or share. At night, he kissed and stroked Ghost, cried into the white fur, cried of joy of finally having someone to love with all his heart.

He had to stop himself loving his siblings without bounds, because everytime he hugged or kissed one of them, Catelyn Stark would glare, would hiss. She even stopped Sansa from referring to him as her brother, she would only call him "half-brother" now.

How long would it take all of them to start calling him "bastard"? Because that's what he was.

Jon Snow was only a child, and when he stopped acting like an adult at night, he realized that. He knew and he cried as he mourned a mother's touch, a mother's smell and laugh and love. He thought he saw a woman's face in his dreams sometimes, a face that resembles his, but that could not be since he looked like his father, Eddard. It had to be an illusion. So when he would wake up from those dreams, he would cry even more.

One night, as he just stopped sobbing, the pain dulling and farther away now, someone knocked at his door. He didn't get up to open it, a fierce blush on his face out of fear that someone had heard him, until Robb's soft voice said: "Please let me in."

Robb was his rival and his best friend. Robb was so much stronger than he was, better looking, he would be heir to Winterfell, and he was the only one throwing his mother hateful looks when she treated Jon badly. Jon's feelings towards him were so unclear to himself, there was so much love and admiration and envy. And want, the want to be his favourite; that's why he hated Theon Greyjoy so much.

Numbly, he got up and opened he door. He was ashamed that his brother could see he had cried; he had probably heard, too. Robb took his hand without a word, pulled him towards the bed he was just lying in and lied down with him.

"She was terrible today, I'm sorry," Robb whispered.

Ned and Catelyn Stark had discussed the visit of the King earlier, and how she thought it wasn't proper that Jon should stand with his trueborn siblings at the arrival of the King's party. Robb and Jon had overheard after they sneaked into the halls to grab a bite of the pie; on their way to the kitchen, they had passed the chamber the lord and the lady thought was secluded.  Jon had gone white as the snow he was named after, but kept his composure in front of his brother.

Until he had entered his chambers, that was. And Robb knew. Robb always knew.

As he did now, gently putting his arms around Jon's frame as he used to when they were little; as toddlers, they would always hold onto each other at night, to save each other from the dragons under their shared bed. They shared a bed for a long time, and a lot of nights, they would still sneak into the other's chamber, like Robb did now.

Jon didn't answer and buried his face in Robb's neck, kissing hard, as Robb held on to Jon's black curls. They didn't talk about the way they were together; they knew deep down that it was wrong and were ashamed, but they didn't see any other possibility to _survive_. Robb, who was being drilled into being the strong and stern man his father was, and Jon, who was always hungry, always hollow. It was wrong when Robb's hands, which were way too young to be so rough, clawed into Jon's back, which was way too young to be so muscular and tense.

They kissed and nipped and clawed like young wolves, but never more, even if they felt each other getting hard... That would have been a line they could not cross, the Stark blood in them was too strong to let them dishonour themselves in that way.

So Jon still stayed hungry. But Robb kept him alive. Barely.

_____________________________

Jon lies in furs next to a fire, older now, harder, more bitter, with Ygritte in his arms. Jon resorts to taking what he needs now, Stark blood be damned. That doesn't mean he doesn't feel bad, but feeling bad has become part of himself.

Ygritte looks beautiful in the light of the fire, and she knows that. She loves Jon Snow from the bottom of her heart, and she knows she loves him so much more he could ever love her. He holds too much darkness in his soul, but she wants to be the fire that casts away the shadows of his past.

She has the feeling his shadows are much stronger than her fire when a single tear runs down Jon's cheek.

"I just remembered that my brother is dead."

He thinks Ygritte knows that this is only a short-timed love. He thinks Ygritte will let him go. He thinks Ygritte doesn't want to save him, that she only loves him for the sake of loving someone, like he does.

"You know nothing, Jon Snow."

She gets up, all naked and strong and beautiful, and Jon Snow's heart still bursts of love for her, his throat closes when he thinks of the betrayal that is about to come. He thinks about fleeing, about staying with her, about the children she could give him, and he is still a child, wishing for it while planning the betrayal.

He thinks she is stronger than him, strong enough to survive him leaving.

He knows nothing.

_____________________________

Jon Snow is Lord Commander, Keeper of the Wall and Heir to Winterfell, although he doesn't know about that.

He sits at Ygritte's grave, nothing gives it away that this is the place he burned her, but _he knows_. He knows now how she has loved him, he knows what it means to not be a child anymore. He knows how she has been the one, how she could have been everything.

He sees Arya's long, warm face, feels Robb's touches, smells Ygritte's skin, but the tears don't come anymore. They have become the splinters of ice that hold together his heart. He is a man now, colder, harder, stronger than Eddard Stark has ever been.

He is Ice that finally stopped wishing to be melted away by Fire.

But Fire will come soon for Jon Stark.

**Author's Note:**

> This was my first ASOIAF/GoT fic. I watched the show and read half of the first book, currently reading. I hope I didn't do too bad.


End file.
